✖Graduation Trip --- Part 1✖

8/12~12/12-2013, my form 5's graduation trip with S5's friends. =)
I would like to say it started with joy , ended with sorrow.

8/12-2013
I woke up at 3am in the middle night, after prepared and took a morning photo and upload it to the Instagram and Facebook. 4.30am, reached Lum's house. Lum's neighbor dog was fierce, and I was quite worried that it came our from the gate and bite me, luckily it didn't. 4.30am+ , both of us reached school, we came down from the car and enter school gate to wait for the bus and the rest of people. I was surprised when I saw half of my classmates already reach and gather there earlier than me. But mostly they didn't have a sleep before they came for trip.  Before bus came, Yx asked me about him, because I didn't wear spec, so I decided to call him by phone, and then I was surprised that he told me he was there behind but just went to toilet. Alright, he came in time earlier than me. =)

Our bus no. 2020, it was a nice number. We entered our bus one by one and after that we started our journey to P.Langkawi during the midnight. During the journey, I can remembered what I only heard was S jin's laughing sound. His sound was too funny at all, and really make me laugh. This was because nobody is laughing and the condition in bus was so quiet. Everyone is sleeping because they were too tired. After that we reached a place, and we had our breakfast there. At first I would like to take mee and my breakfast but after I saw beef, then i decided to take roti telur as my breakfast. I saw everyone having their breakfast and finished it earlier than me. Py, bobo, Sx, Jw them all eating different food like bread, Maggie mee in cup and more. Others like lum, Yl all eating bread. I can still remember when I was walking by taking my food and searching for places, I saw Jason rose up his hand, I knew what he mean, he want me to sit beside Mh, but when he rise up his hand, I saw Mh immediately put down his hand. Haha..it was funny.

I can felt stomach ache although I had a bread before I went for trip. After having roti telur,I felt full and better. Then, our journey continued. We reached the port and waited for the ship. At first we thought Jason, Sjin and Jjian will be left to wait for another ship. But luckily, they came in with us by same ship. After that, we reached P.Langkawi around 3pm. We were late if based on planning. After that, We went to have our lunch. But I was definitely get surprised on myself because I got stomachache  for the 2nd time in on the same day. I thought if I have my food, then my stomach will be better, but i was wrong. It was getting worse until I didn't even wan to finish my food. Well, lastly I forced myself to finish it and i really wan to say thank you toward Jason, because he did help me go shop to buy medicine. After having the medicine, I did feel better. =)

So, I was the last to ride the bus. Hmmm...When I entered bus, I was searching for Jason, just because wanted to say thank you toward him, after I found him was sitting behind. And then....I sat on his place but after Jason came back for his own sit, he started a topic that was definitely I asked him before. Jason asked me about HIM. And he made a special propose to ask Mr.H to sit beside me or should I said Mr.H being force to sit on Jason's place? hmm...haha... Soon, we started our conversation with "no reason".. and talk some nonsense..after that I got the chance as Jason did said : " whenever you think it isn't the chance, then It would be the chance." So, I tried, I brace myself. When we were staying in the silent condition.. I started with a sentences : " I'm going to tell you something, hope you won't be surprised after heard it." oh right, I did want to tell him through my mouth but I not brave enough.. It took me long time to say one word..so by his suggested, I use another way to tell him. I typed and showed. He read it and his expression showed me that he wasn't get ready to answer it. So..we will continued it after it. After back from toilet, I was totally surprised that he still sat on Jason's place. I thought we were be going back to our own seat as well after that but didn't. I sat back beside him and watching movie.

After awhile..he replied me by same way..reading the words, i don't know should I be sad or happy ? I think sad more. Replied, my mind. And then, we stopped it and promised each other that we will continued it soon. Yeahh, I forgotten the place name we did travel on the first day. But I can still remember he gave me one carrot just to feed the rabbits. I would like to say I did really want to take down all the photos that he was with those rabbits! Haha.. I was crazy right? yeah.. After that, we went for cable car. Through the long queue, I found out lot of things. I enjoyed the moment with friends and he. Don't know why, I love the moment he put his hand on my hat, It make me thought bout incident happened before graduation. When we get into the cable car, I knew that hwai peng them were souring on us. But, I don't care. After few minutes, we reached the hilltop and it was from dawn turn into night. The weather was definitely cold. Strong wind blows up, although it was cold for me but I really thought It was one of the best night ever for me in my life. Watching all my classmates taking photos together. Our S5's boys took off their shirts and had a group photos. The feeling of likes, did left in my heart, hard to express it.

After enjoying the strong wind, cold night on the hilltop, we went back our cable car and hotel. Everyone is preparing to have a good bath and good rest but out of my plan was Jason and TSheng entered our room ( YX's them and mine) and they started some topic, soon, more boys came in and well, Jason bring a bottle of wine. They look unhappy. Soon, we started a game suggested by them ( actually YX and me aren't planning to play it) but then we were forced to play. 12 am past, he did called me but i didn't accepted, because i didnt know. and then , he entered our room, and don't know why, he became the victim. Kept being played by us. And I unexpected that I was punished to hug by him, pull his hair..and the last was.......hmm.. I don't want to say.. hehe...

That night was really a funny and memorable night, although I was worried and quite shy to do so.. but I still want to say sorry to him. Hope you don't mind it... =)

First day of trip, ended.

Only by SeCretPinki__________Xian        Sunday 15/12/13    10.00pm

✖眼泪✖

坐在椅子上，听着对面的人所说的话....
不知何时，眼眶布满了泪腺上流出来的酸酸又甜甜的泪水。
毫无声音的、慢慢的、无次序的持续流下她的脸颊..
渐渐的，原本清晰的视线顿时模糊了...

这是第几次她哭了？
虽然不是哭得稀咯哗啦的，却也让她有种很疲惫的感觉。
静静地流下眼泪，她好疲惫...
疲惫得一句话也不想说，就这样安静的想着、听着、看着…
不是因为她不理会身旁的人所问的问题，而是她已经不知道该怎么回答了。
她只能坐在那，让她的思路不断的持续着，找着究竟有什么办法让她可以逃离黑暗的世界？

原本明确的路，因为经济上的问题，让她向往的未来，毁了。
曾开心的期待着未来，但是当下的她再也没有幻想未来的感觉。
现实中的生活并没有想象中简单。
她知道，大家劝她、给她的意见，都是为了她好，但是她真的好希望她可以自由地作出自己的选择。
她多么的希望自己可以抛开一切阻挡她未来的障碍，奔向属于自己的世界。
可是，她不能这样做。她不可以那么自私，更不可能让自己的自私把别人的未来破灭。
如果因为她想得到的未来，而牺牲了另外两个人接下来的下半辈子，即使有一天她成功了，她也不会开心，更加无法快乐的度过接下来的每一天。

虽然她曾一度的认为也恳求着，让她再自私一次吧，可是每当一想到后果，她便再也无法继续下去。
哭，解决不了问题。这，她知道。
可是能不能就让她再放任一次的哭？
这是最后一次她哭了，因为懦弱解决不了任何问题。即使哭得眼睛都肿了，问题还是存在着。
他说的并没有错，她也知道生活上遇到的挫折很多。如果因为人生的第一步就放弃了，那17年来过的生活不就变得没意义了吗？
她曾妒忌着身边的人，抱怨着上帝对她的不公平，可是换另一个角度想，这或许是上帝给的
其中一个考验？
她理解了，虽然还未完全放开，可是至少她有着些许的正确想法。

她，不会放弃，永远都不会放弃。
人生中的计划其实有很多，如果第一个计划无法实现，我们还有B计划可以进行啊。
上帝不会给我们一条死路，总有很多路可以让我们选择，既然发现前往的路是一条死路，为何不选择转身，走回原点再向别的路出发呢？

路是人走出来的，
这一句突然出现在她的脑海里，
让她想通了。
既然第一个计划接近失败的阶段，那她应该准备更多的计划。
虽然B计划的路比较坎坷，会很辛苦，但这总比选择自己不想要的来得更好。

信心飙升，眼泪停了。
她，不哭了。
软弱不会促使自己成功，只有坚持才是光明的天使。

她，确定了，选择自己从未想过的一条路。
希望，那一条路可以带领着她走向光明的未来。
愿她成功！

Only by SeCretPinki______________sunday     1.34am midnight 15/12/13

✖毕业前、后✖

毕业前，我
总是想着有多久我才能毕业？
多久才能脱离政府的评估考试？
多久才能奔向我自己向往的未来？
多久才能自由的做每一样想做的事？
多久才不需要每天与不喜爱的科目约会？

我为了一些事苦恼了很久很久，
可是只要想着、倒数着、等着...
就会非常想要好好地度过毕业前的每一天。

就在这２０１３，中五也即是中学生涯的最后一年，
突然在生活中有了很大的变化。
不知何时，社交广泛了，人际关系变好了，认识的朋友多了。
渐渐的，我开始将自己改变，让自己变得更好，变得让每个人觉得我其实很容易相处。
对，或许对每个人来说，其实我可以很容易相处，但有时候我会让人摸不透脑子里究竟想什么？我承认自己是一个很奇怪的人，不止性格古怪，脾气也很不稳。
在每个人面前都有不一样的一面，这....就是我。

没想到，短短的两年，我认识了，了解了，学到了，成熟了...
开始对一些朋友敞开心胸，把隐藏在心里的秘密，一个一个的脱口而出。
或许朋友们会觉得我有时候很烦，有时候莫名的EMO，有时候会做出让人意想不到的事。
但是当你看见我的每一面....我只会对你说
：恭喜你，认识到真正的我，但却又不是真切的我。

毕业前，我总是希望着每一个朋友，都能永远的在毕业后把我记在心里，因为我对朋友的要求总是不高，平凡就好。
以前的我总是认为，我不需要太多的朋友，只要有一个真正的朋友，生活就可以多姿多彩...
可是，我错了，朋友，不能只有一个因为唯一的朋友并不是只有“你”才是他/她唯一的朋友，他们也有别的朋友，自己的生活...就这样我总是一个人，独来独往的，虽然会有孤单的感觉，不过我会告诉自己，一下子就过了。就这样过了三年，可是最后一年，我特别特别的敏感，特别的不想自己一个人，特别的想有疯狂的感觉，不是因为想法通了，而是我知道，最后一年了，应该快乐的渡过每一天..

很高兴的，在毕业前，我和朋友们都建立了不错的关系，还有...他。
不知为什么，我真的很开心，在我毕业前，可以认识到他，只是我没想过，我会喜欢上一个以往从不接触过的人。是缘份吧？我想，是的。

毕业前几天，几乎跟每个认识的人都有了一张合照，而他的却不多。他很忙，总是不怎么在班上，好不容易有机会了，我便向他要求一张合照，只是当时的我们不知为什么却有种别扭又奇怪的感觉。拿着照相机的ｌｕｍ不断的笑着，身旁的人也不知为何地笑着，让我尴尬极了。不过，我们都不知道他们在笑什么。就这样，有了一张合照。

从去年，我就很想看他跳舞，可是每一次都没有机会。在半年前他举办的第二届吉他演奏会，我也没机会看见他跳舞时的那一段，因为很不巧的我离开座位到科学学会帮忙去了。可是当我忙到一半，突然头头的跑了出来，回到那一间课室。刚巧我回来时，他却跳完了。啊...又再次Missed 了！认为着自己不会有机会观赏他跳舞时，却在毕业前我得到了这机会。5S5的朋友一同到Studio去排练舞蹈。当轮流到他与他的组别一起排练时，我打起十二分精神专著的看着。我其实很佩服他，不需要老师的教导，向朋友学习就可以将舞蹈跳得不错。当轮到我与我的组别跳舞时，说实在的我并不是不想跳，因为我不知道怎样在别人面前跳。我很容易尴尬，很容易的害羞，虽然自己一个人跳时，却会做出通过MV所看到的舞姿。我总是会很随便的在别人面前跳，而且还是面无表情的那一种，这让我很懊恼为什么就不会勇敢一些？
终于，我放胆的跳了，但我不看别人，只看镜子里的自己，尽量不与别人眼神交流，因为我一定会停下所有的动作，不敢跳。

我总是会怀疑自己的能力，然后再跳出来的那一刻我会惊讶得看着自己，原来我其实也可以跳得像他们一样，这让我对自己信心大增。
就这样，毕业的那一天，我过得很愉快，虽然分离但我却没有想哭的感觉？大概我真的成熟了...

毕业后，
我们忙着准备面对我们认为最大的战争，也就是SPM。在那一段期间我们都很忙，没有时间说话、聊天。可是我却不懂为什么总是觉得有一股冲劲让我想去见他的感觉，所以几乎放学时都会跑去找他，即使是一下子也好。

考完试后的我们没有怎么联络，因为不懂怎样找他，找了也不懂该说些什么。
还记得毕业前，朋友们都问我：＂你还不告诉他吗？＂然后我就很有信心的说道：“我会的，但那是毕业后的事，现在专注学业先。”　可是我却没想到，考华语的前几天，我完全没有想要复习的感觉....那时候的感觉很糟糕，让我觉得自己很没用...不过，最后还是不断的鞭策自己读书...还好最后还是读了，确实放心了一些...

就这样，当天考完了华文后，就到了我们5S5 所谓的Party. 那天晚上，我还记得bobo他们不断地催我要我向他告白，可是我却没做到，因为我担心不成功，我们的友谊就变质了。可是最后我还是在毕业旅行时说了。虽然我并没有完全的说出，而且用了另一种方式来表达，然后答案果然如我猜测的一样，我们并没有在一起，只是没想到他在隐约中告诉我，他也喜欢我。 =)

****S5's Friends, Im going to confess everything on you by video, please look up video next time =D

Only By SeCretPinki____Xian     13/12/2013  Friday 10.57pm

✖Confess✖

What should I do? What I feel?

Everyone suggested are different...

Some are thinking that as a girl I shouldn't confess anything else

because this depends on either we are worth to be loved by someone or love others.

There is less than 5 days..and we..are going to separate and leave our school.

Yeah, I'm graduated, and almost finish my SPM as well.

Before graduation,

There is lot of my friend asking me, either do or not do.

I looked at them, and I told them I will do it after finished SPM.

And now, I'm going to finish it soon.

What should I do?

this questioning me all the time before I can finish my last subjects.

Before graduation,

our relationship is getting better,

I'm glad i really met him for the last two years staying in my secondary school,

he did made a lot of memorable day for me.

One of my friend did ask me : "Is he so charming?"

Alright, this question really surprised me.

Yeah, for me he is charming.

Don't ask me for reason, because I think I couldn't answer.

I did promised others I will tell him,

but if i do, will he accept?

Will I being treat as good as well?

This troubles me.

What sould I do?

Confess or Not Confess?

Troublesome..

Only by SeCretPinki_________Friday early morning 12:35am. 29/11/2013