✖First Outing✖

18.12.2013

Our first outing. Wake up in the early morning and I turn on computer to search for the courses in UTAR. Take up few hours and went out with my sister around 11a.m. Sister fetch me to Bukit Raja JayaJusco around 11.30a.m. After that, I went into Jusco myself and window shopping. I took up the last 20 minutes in the Popular. I found out the counters had changed place. And I look into the finance and investment's bookstore there. Reading or few minutes and I left popular and heading to the TGV cinema. I stand there looking at the timetable for every movie which will be play on wedneday.

It was around 12.30p.m.+ , I look at "The Hobbit" through the advertisement. Since already past 12.10p.m. I look at 1.55p.m. and count for the time we watch have to take up 2 hours 35 minutes like that. Well, it will over 4pm. Then, I wait for Mr.H by keep watch on my handphone. He called, I accepted, and We saw each other after I accepted the call for few seconds. After telling him the time we watch will over 4p.m. Then he called SJ for delay-ing our time to 5pm. for second round to go HP's party. And then, we bought the tickets and heading to the restaurant nearby.

Fortunately, We met PYing's brother who worked there. CS saw me and greet with me. After that, Mr.H and me enter the restaurant ( I forgot the restaurant's name ><). We ordered our meals through CS and Mr.H left to do something for awhile. When waiting for the meal and him, I took out my Ipod and do nothing, looking around the condition in restaurant, I found out the workers were so hardworking and tried to do everything quickly. After our food was on the table. I used my Ipod to take photos, I took it quietly...xD.. and then, I took out my book and read awhile. When I saw him came back and had a little accident in the front of the restaurant, I keep my things immediately and smile at him. We started our meal and it took up more than 30 minutes.

We talked while we had our meal. During that time, I was worried about my future, because I didn't sure which course I have to take since my parent want me to study in UTAR as well. I did think about Finance before, but this job really not suit me as I don't like the read those "boring" articles..and then he found out I was thinking something. I told him everything in my mind. And then..time flies, nearby 2p.m. He pay for the meal although I did tell him It was my turn to treat for the meal. Well, He still didn't want me to do so and give me a reason which wasn't the reason at all.. ~.~

And then both of us left the restaurant after saying goodbye to CS and head to cinema. We entered the room 1 and searching for places. Someone were mis-sitting on our places and for a few seconds, he talked to them and we had our own places. Thanks to him. =)

It was my first time watch movie with him which without friends and "The Hobbit 2" was my first time to watch as I never watched "The Hobbit" before. He repeat the first story while the advertisements were still playing. And soon, movie started and just like what he said. haha...
Alright, during the movie, I had been frightened for few times and he noticed it. Ahhhh... 丢脸 >.<
oh right, it happened suddenly.
Bilbo Baggins, I was quite pity of him because he was sent to retrieve the Arkenstone, only to awaken smaug. And in the other hand, Bard took out the black arrow and attempt to bring it to the town's launcher but he failed to do it and his son helped to hide the arrow. Well, movie came to the end when Smaug emerges and stumbles out of the mountain determined to destroy Lake-town and its people for aiding the Dwarves. He then takes to the air as Bilbo watches in horror at what they have unleashed.

What I want to comment on "The Hobbit 2" was.. It was really a nice movie. Both of us was wondering how good it was to be a movie film and look real. Btw, Tauriel look much prettier with the bright. =D
Around 4.40p.m. we left the cinema and started our "short path journey" to SJ's house. He lead me and tried not to let the sun shines on me as the sun is very intense at the moment. How caring he was. =) and along the way we head to SJ's house, I knew some of his past which going through along the road we went with guitar and some little small incident. One of the most frightened me was when the car hond at us, luckily he was safe..next time must be more careful on the road.

We took up 20 minutes like that by walking from JJ to SJ's house, although the sunshines make us sweat but I can still feel happy with him. Sorry to make him keep look after me to make sure I was safe. Anyway, It might be the last time for us to walk together, and next time we might can go out with car or...
Well, when we reached SJ's house, I didn't know Sj's sister open the door for us, as I took off my spectacles. And the condition in the house was definitely quiet as Jason and TS was sleeping while SJ was inside his own room. ( I think he maybe was bathing ). After that, everyone awake, HMin came and after that JWei came too to fetch Bobo and TS. Soon, we went out together by SJ's car (hope Sj's leg can recover asap) and then during the way we go to HPeng's house, SJ asked me why Am I busy when he called me. (i guess, what should I say? telling him because I was watching movie together with Mr.H? <<< I rmb he said the same things to me if he told Sj about it.. hehe...) Since we go out without letting others know about it. ( because I'm sure others will say "bojio" ) , then I change to ask Sj : " what you supposed me to answer?" Luckily he didn't ask more detail....=) I looked at Mr.H and smiled.

Alright. We reached HPeng's house after a few minutes Sj searching for his house around the taman. Entered, Greeted with his mother. And I was asked to play Bluff with Bobo them. It was my first time to play after I had watch how did Mr.H them play during the graduation trip. And I being catch by few times since I didn't know the games well. -.-"

We keep the cards as HPeng's mother didn't like it. And we had our dinner as the food was served. Everyone was cared on HMin since she didn't eat alot of healthy food as well. And I found out, I know her appetite quite well due to alway had lunch with her before go Biology tuition. Then, when we were having our food, Bobo asked me a question : " Both of you really didn't together?" erm...what Should I respond? I can only told her : " Due to some problem, we can't be together." Buth after that I told her the truth about we still have long path to go, and don't know what will be in the future. And she seems couldn't accept it and asked Mr.H to answer her question. Well...I was definitely...Omg.. >.< .. But he skipped her question quite well. Luckily? i thought so. He didn't like to answer those kind of question, so..I did hope them don't asked and forced him....=)

I enjoyed my food with all of them. They did talked some funny things and make me smile and I think, that night I did really over much, because It was our last night? Yeah, I thought. I was just feeling quite shy and didn't know what to respond when TS and JW keep called Mr.H's name and most of the time singing a song with his name. =.=".. How creative they were. lols. But nice to listen actually.. hahaha.. I'm crazy -.-

I still rmb I ask HPeng how should i eat the salad. Then, he lazy to teach me and ask Mr.H to teach. Don't he know Mr.H is busy now? Just let him have a nice time with those friends lorh. And soon, we all finish our food and head to HPeng's study room. I found out there got a lot of books i can read but most are quite bored. After awhile, I came down from the room and head to outside. I found out he was with Ckiat and Hsern them. Although I didn't know what happened around them, but I can nearly know Sjie was unhappy with yesterday things?...erm...not my matters then. I just sit on the chair and took our my things ( should say money...haha..) and keep my things well, put beside and stand up, watching the sky with little stars. ( that time they going to do something on Sjie.)

I heard they called my name, and Mr.H came nearby... o.o... He asked me why I am alone here. Erm..what should I say? Came down just to see where you were? No. I not dare to say. But then I put money on his hand, and told him have to take the money. ( Ticket's money ) Then, I said : " you must take it as I treat you to watch movie." ( I guess I was forcing him to do so.. haha.. yeah, I was.)  He seems like couldn't accept it and asked me to have a scissor cross with him. Maybe I please him to accept and not to play the scissor cross, and lastly he forced to take it. ( Ps, I did said I want treat you already..just accept it better? =D or else next time let you treat back again lorh... xD..)  I guess that time both of us look quite funny..haha..but, who cares? (=

After that, I went back the room and look on the tables and board. I found out the sticky notes and whole year planning. Ahh.. I hope I can do it also, But I don't have my own room and table and those things sound comfortable for me to study.. but it's okay. I may have it in future!

Watching Jjian them playing the bluff, I felt so bored. Came out from the room again and saw KMu them was playing the piano and others just sitting there playing other games? I not sure. I just head to the stairs and came down again and went outside. Drink water. Few minutes, HPeng's came out too and said SHe was coming. O.o... I came to the front door and tried to open the door with Hpeng but failed. And then, SHe came. I told him the door can't open, but he don't believe me. ( sad.) Awhile, HPeng's father came, ZXuan Came too with HPeng. Three of them open the door successfully.

SHe came in and went to the 2nd floor to find Bobo them. I follow them go upstair but few minutes later I came down again and want to go outside but I found HPeng's parent there. Then, I decided not to go out and stay at the parlor. Looking at those furnishings. Mind : They love to donate?..some were look like history ..

"bang", Ohhh, others coming down. I stand up from the chairs immediately and act like nothing happen on me. Phew.. That was HEn. Soon, I went out together with them. (**Parent left to other room). They started to search for food again... haha... lastly I had some salad and drinks. While others like JWei them make jokes on me...-.-.. Well, last day, just let them do so. =)

Take photos after everyone came down and I sat back my place. Soon, HPeng took out "potong" and treat us eat, Thanks for Mr.H gave it to me. =) After awhile, we keep playing with camera, although I didn't took photo with him but I was glad I had good time and good day with him. ^ Btw, He did ask me took photos with bobo them too.

Last, we back home by Sjun's car. Thanks for HPeng's mother blessing and her kindness, hope to see her soon in future. =D
One by one, SHe back, and then his turn. First time saw where his house located. But I think I can't remember it well. I never go his taman there before. But mayb can still find his house? hahaha.. guess too.

181213. One of the best day ever with buddies and with him. Thanks for everythings. I will cherish it forever.

Mr.H, can I have other chance to go out with you and watch other series of "The Hobbit" in future no matter how our future are? =))

Only by SeCretPinki______________Thursday        19.12.2013         8.51pm.

✖Graduation Trip --- Part 1✖

8/12~12/12-2013, my form 5's graduation trip with S5's friends. =)
I would like to say it started with joy , ended with sorrow.

8/12-2013
I woke up at 3am in the middle night, after prepared and took a morning photo and upload it to the Instagram and Facebook. 4.30am, reached Lum's house. Lum's neighbor dog was fierce, and I was quite worried that it came our from the gate and bite me, luckily it didn't. 4.30am+ , both of us reached school, we came down from the car and enter school gate to wait for the bus and the rest of people. I was surprised when I saw half of my classmates already reach and gather there earlier than me. But mostly they didn't have a sleep before they came for trip.  Before bus came, Yx asked me about him, because I didn't wear spec, so I decided to call him by phone, and then I was surprised that he told me he was there behind but just went to toilet. Alright, he came in time earlier than me. =)

Our bus no. 2020, it was a nice number. We entered our bus one by one and after that we started our journey to P.Langkawi during the midnight. During the journey, I can remembered what I only heard was S jin's laughing sound. His sound was too funny at all, and really make me laugh. This was because nobody is laughing and the condition in bus was so quiet. Everyone is sleeping because they were too tired. After that we reached a place, and we had our breakfast there. At first I would like to take mee and my breakfast but after I saw beef, then i decided to take roti telur as my breakfast. I saw everyone having their breakfast and finished it earlier than me. Py, bobo, Sx, Jw them all eating different food like bread, Maggie mee in cup and more. Others like lum, Yl all eating bread. I can still remember when I was walking by taking my food and searching for places, I saw Jason rose up his hand, I knew what he mean, he want me to sit beside Mh, but when he rise up his hand, I saw Mh immediately put down his hand. Haha..it was funny.

I can felt stomach ache although I had a bread before I went for trip. After having roti telur,I felt full and better. Then, our journey continued. We reached the port and waited for the ship. At first we thought Jason, Sjin and Jjian will be left to wait for another ship. But luckily, they came in with us by same ship. After that, we reached P.Langkawi around 3pm. We were late if based on planning. After that, We went to have our lunch. But I was definitely get surprised on myself because I got stomachache  for the 2nd time in on the same day. I thought if I have my food, then my stomach will be better, but i was wrong. It was getting worse until I didn't even wan to finish my food. Well, lastly I forced myself to finish it and i really wan to say thank you toward Jason, because he did help me go shop to buy medicine. After having the medicine, I did feel better. =)

So, I was the last to ride the bus. Hmmm...When I entered bus, I was searching for Jason, just because wanted to say thank you toward him, after I found him was sitting behind. And then....I sat on his place but after Jason came back for his own sit, he started a topic that was definitely I asked him before. Jason asked me about HIM. And he made a special propose to ask Mr.H to sit beside me or should I said Mr.H being force to sit on Jason's place? hmm...haha... Soon, we started our conversation with "no reason".. and talk some nonsense..after that I got the chance as Jason did said : " whenever you think it isn't the chance, then It would be the chance." So, I tried, I brace myself. When we were staying in the silent condition.. I started with a sentences : " I'm going to tell you something, hope you won't be surprised after heard it." oh right, I did want to tell him through my mouth but I not brave enough.. It took me long time to say one word..so by his suggested, I use another way to tell him. I typed and showed. He read it and his expression showed me that he wasn't get ready to answer it. So..we will continued it after it. After back from toilet, I was totally surprised that he still sat on Jason's place. I thought we were be going back to our own seat as well after that but didn't. I sat back beside him and watching movie.

After awhile..he replied me by same way..reading the words, i don't know should I be sad or happy ? I think sad more. Replied, my mind. And then, we stopped it and promised each other that we will continued it soon. Yeahh, I forgotten the place name we did travel on the first day. But I can still remember he gave me one carrot just to feed the rabbits. I would like to say I did really want to take down all the photos that he was with those rabbits! Haha.. I was crazy right? yeah.. After that, we went for cable car. Through the long queue, I found out lot of things. I enjoyed the moment with friends and he. Don't know why, I love the moment he put his hand on my hat, It make me thought bout incident happened before graduation. When we get into the cable car, I knew that hwai peng them were souring on us. But, I don't care. After few minutes, we reached the hilltop and it was from dawn turn into night. The weather was definitely cold. Strong wind blows up, although it was cold for me but I really thought It was one of the best night ever for me in my life. Watching all my classmates taking photos together. Our S5's boys took off their shirts and had a group photos. The feeling of likes, did left in my heart, hard to express it.

After enjoying the strong wind, cold night on the hilltop, we went back our cable car and hotel. Everyone is preparing to have a good bath and good rest but out of my plan was Jason and TSheng entered our room ( YX's them and mine) and they started some topic, soon, more boys came in and well, Jason bring a bottle of wine. They look unhappy. Soon, we started a game suggested by them ( actually YX and me aren't planning to play it) but then we were forced to play. 12 am past, he did called me but i didn't accepted, because i didnt know. and then , he entered our room, and don't know why, he became the victim. Kept being played by us. And I unexpected that I was punished to hug by him, pull his hair..and the last was.......hmm.. I don't want to say.. hehe...

That night was really a funny and memorable night, although I was worried and quite shy to do so.. but I still want to say sorry to him. Hope you don't mind it... =)

First day of trip, ended.

Only by SeCretPinki__________Xian        Sunday 15/12/13    10.00pm

✖眼泪✖

坐在椅子上，听着对面的人所说的话....
不知何时，眼眶布满了泪腺上流出来的酸酸又甜甜的泪水。
毫无声音的、慢慢的、无次序的持续流下她的脸颊..
渐渐的，原本清晰的视线顿时模糊了...

这是第几次她哭了？
虽然不是哭得稀咯哗啦的，却也让她有种很疲惫的感觉。
静静地流下眼泪，她好疲惫...
疲惫得一句话也不想说，就这样安静的想着、听着、看着…
不是因为她不理会身旁的人所问的问题，而是她已经不知道该怎么回答了。
她只能坐在那，让她的思路不断的持续着，找着究竟有什么办法让她可以逃离黑暗的世界？

原本明确的路，因为经济上的问题，让她向往的未来，毁了。
曾开心的期待着未来，但是当下的她再也没有幻想未来的感觉。
现实中的生活并没有想象中简单。
她知道，大家劝她、给她的意见，都是为了她好，但是她真的好希望她可以自由地作出自己的选择。
她多么的希望自己可以抛开一切阻挡她未来的障碍，奔向属于自己的世界。
可是，她不能这样做。她不可以那么自私，更不可能让自己的自私把别人的未来破灭。
如果因为她想得到的未来，而牺牲了另外两个人接下来的下半辈子，即使有一天她成功了，她也不会开心，更加无法快乐的度过接下来的每一天。

虽然她曾一度的认为也恳求着，让她再自私一次吧，可是每当一想到后果，她便再也无法继续下去。
哭，解决不了问题。这，她知道。
可是能不能就让她再放任一次的哭？
这是最后一次她哭了，因为懦弱解决不了任何问题。即使哭得眼睛都肿了，问题还是存在着。
他说的并没有错，她也知道生活上遇到的挫折很多。如果因为人生的第一步就放弃了，那17年来过的生活不就变得没意义了吗？
她曾妒忌着身边的人，抱怨着上帝对她的不公平，可是换另一个角度想，这或许是上帝给的
其中一个考验？
她理解了，虽然还未完全放开，可是至少她有着些许的正确想法。

她，不会放弃，永远都不会放弃。
人生中的计划其实有很多，如果第一个计划无法实现，我们还有B计划可以进行啊。
上帝不会给我们一条死路，总有很多路可以让我们选择，既然发现前往的路是一条死路，为何不选择转身，走回原点再向别的路出发呢？

路是人走出来的，
这一句突然出现在她的脑海里，
让她想通了。
既然第一个计划接近失败的阶段，那她应该准备更多的计划。
虽然B计划的路比较坎坷，会很辛苦，但这总比选择自己不想要的来得更好。

信心飙升，眼泪停了。
她，不哭了。
软弱不会促使自己成功，只有坚持才是光明的天使。

她，确定了，选择自己从未想过的一条路。
希望，那一条路可以带领着她走向光明的未来。
愿她成功！

Only by SeCretPinki______________sunday     1.34am midnight 15/12/13

✖毕业前、后✖

毕业前，我
总是想着有多久我才能毕业？
多久才能脱离政府的评估考试？
多久才能奔向我自己向往的未来？
多久才能自由的做每一样想做的事？
多久才不需要每天与不喜爱的科目约会？

我为了一些事苦恼了很久很久，
可是只要想着、倒数着、等着...
就会非常想要好好地度过毕业前的每一天。

就在这２０１３，中五也即是中学生涯的最后一年，
突然在生活中有了很大的变化。
不知何时，社交广泛了，人际关系变好了，认识的朋友多了。
渐渐的，我开始将自己改变，让自己变得更好，变得让每个人觉得我其实很容易相处。
对，或许对每个人来说，其实我可以很容易相处，但有时候我会让人摸不透脑子里究竟想什么？我承认自己是一个很奇怪的人，不止性格古怪，脾气也很不稳。
在每个人面前都有不一样的一面，这....就是我。

没想到，短短的两年，我认识了，了解了，学到了，成熟了...
开始对一些朋友敞开心胸，把隐藏在心里的秘密，一个一个的脱口而出。
或许朋友们会觉得我有时候很烦，有时候莫名的EMO，有时候会做出让人意想不到的事。
但是当你看见我的每一面....我只会对你说
：恭喜你，认识到真正的我，但却又不是真切的我。

毕业前，我总是希望着每一个朋友，都能永远的在毕业后把我记在心里，因为我对朋友的要求总是不高，平凡就好。
以前的我总是认为，我不需要太多的朋友，只要有一个真正的朋友，生活就可以多姿多彩...
可是，我错了，朋友，不能只有一个因为唯一的朋友并不是只有“你”才是他/她唯一的朋友，他们也有别的朋友，自己的生活...就这样我总是一个人，独来独往的，虽然会有孤单的感觉，不过我会告诉自己，一下子就过了。就这样过了三年，可是最后一年，我特别特别的敏感，特别的不想自己一个人，特别的想有疯狂的感觉，不是因为想法通了，而是我知道，最后一年了，应该快乐的渡过每一天..

很高兴的，在毕业前，我和朋友们都建立了不错的关系，还有...他。
不知为什么，我真的很开心，在我毕业前，可以认识到他，只是我没想过，我会喜欢上一个以往从不接触过的人。是缘份吧？我想，是的。

毕业前几天，几乎跟每个认识的人都有了一张合照，而他的却不多。他很忙，总是不怎么在班上，好不容易有机会了，我便向他要求一张合照，只是当时的我们不知为什么却有种别扭又奇怪的感觉。拿着照相机的ｌｕｍ不断的笑着，身旁的人也不知为何地笑着，让我尴尬极了。不过，我们都不知道他们在笑什么。就这样，有了一张合照。

从去年，我就很想看他跳舞，可是每一次都没有机会。在半年前他举办的第二届吉他演奏会，我也没机会看见他跳舞时的那一段，因为很不巧的我离开座位到科学学会帮忙去了。可是当我忙到一半，突然头头的跑了出来，回到那一间课室。刚巧我回来时，他却跳完了。啊...又再次Missed 了！认为着自己不会有机会观赏他跳舞时，却在毕业前我得到了这机会。5S5的朋友一同到Studio去排练舞蹈。当轮流到他与他的组别一起排练时，我打起十二分精神专著的看着。我其实很佩服他，不需要老师的教导，向朋友学习就可以将舞蹈跳得不错。当轮到我与我的组别跳舞时，说实在的我并不是不想跳，因为我不知道怎样在别人面前跳。我很容易尴尬，很容易的害羞，虽然自己一个人跳时，却会做出通过MV所看到的舞姿。我总是会很随便的在别人面前跳，而且还是面无表情的那一种，这让我很懊恼为什么就不会勇敢一些？
终于，我放胆的跳了，但我不看别人，只看镜子里的自己，尽量不与别人眼神交流，因为我一定会停下所有的动作，不敢跳。

我总是会怀疑自己的能力，然后再跳出来的那一刻我会惊讶得看着自己，原来我其实也可以跳得像他们一样，这让我对自己信心大增。
就这样，毕业的那一天，我过得很愉快，虽然分离但我却没有想哭的感觉？大概我真的成熟了...

毕业后，
我们忙着准备面对我们认为最大的战争，也就是SPM。在那一段期间我们都很忙，没有时间说话、聊天。可是我却不懂为什么总是觉得有一股冲劲让我想去见他的感觉，所以几乎放学时都会跑去找他，即使是一下子也好。

考完试后的我们没有怎么联络，因为不懂怎样找他，找了也不懂该说些什么。
还记得毕业前，朋友们都问我：＂你还不告诉他吗？＂然后我就很有信心的说道：“我会的，但那是毕业后的事，现在专注学业先。”　可是我却没想到，考华语的前几天，我完全没有想要复习的感觉....那时候的感觉很糟糕，让我觉得自己很没用...不过，最后还是不断的鞭策自己读书...还好最后还是读了，确实放心了一些...

就这样，当天考完了华文后，就到了我们5S5 所谓的Party. 那天晚上，我还记得bobo他们不断地催我要我向他告白，可是我却没做到，因为我担心不成功，我们的友谊就变质了。可是最后我还是在毕业旅行时说了。虽然我并没有完全的说出，而且用了另一种方式来表达，然后答案果然如我猜测的一样，我们并没有在一起，只是没想到他在隐约中告诉我，他也喜欢我。 =)

****S5's Friends, Im going to confess everything on you by video, please look up video next time =D

Only By SeCretPinki____Xian     13/12/2013  Friday 10.57pm